we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
