i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
