I hope mine doesn't look like that
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
