video games are the ultimate cock blocker
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
