on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
