party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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