Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
