In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
