no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Randomize
