Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
