I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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