you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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