the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
