She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
