sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
