He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
