Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
