There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
