walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
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