I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
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