He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
