I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize