Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Randomize
