omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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