i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize