yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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