So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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