I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I'm at about main and main street
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
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