It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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