But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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