So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
this just has baby written all over it
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
