Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
