why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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