There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
