I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
