I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I have tasted many bathrooms
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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