i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
