so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
