I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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