I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
