that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
It's just like the Real World with babies
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
