You just made me feel so damn special
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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