3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
