just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
