My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
