that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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