Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
