woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Randomize
