well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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