peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
