those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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