erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
