i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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