Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
