I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize
