In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
