I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
