I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
