please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
