I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
