I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
