He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
