haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
as a side note pls kill me
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
