did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
