I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
