I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Randomize