I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
it's like iHOP with fire
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
This is the high leading the old right now
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize
