i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
