great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Randomize