i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Randomize
