Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Less talking, more tequila
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize